FRISKY DICK'S WHISKEY CHILLI FIX

SECRET SAUCE RECIPE

I love growing my own habaneros. They’re tough plants and my current bush is currently surviving its fourth year of extreme summer and bitter winter cold. I like to let the fruit suffer on the vine in the hot season because I know that it will eventually exact its revenge upon me. This is a recipe I’ve refined over the years of growing, which includes a healthy dose of whiskey for the pain.

Prep all the ingredients before you begin cooking as this game is all about minimising the amount of times you have to put on or take off your protective gear. Speaking of which, a cloth mask and eye protection is a good idea, and I highly recommend gloves for safe handling of chillies and avoiding unfortunate occurrences when you touch yourself in the bathing-suit area later that day. If you’re feeling particularly brave, you can choose to leave some or all of the seeds in the chillies when you prep them. Cowards should remove them shamefully.

 

Splash enough oil to fry the onions into a deep pot and heat. Simmer the onions lightly until translucent and then add the garlic and cumin and sizzle for another minute while stirring. Toss in the chillies, carrots and capsicum, pour in enough of the remaining oil to coat generously and bump up the heat to medium for 5 minutes, stirring occasionally.

 

Add the remainder of the ingredients and pour yourself a whiskey as well because you’ve come this far and deserve a reward. Bring to the boil, then reduce to low heat and simmer uncovered for an additional 25 minutes. Sip your whiskey patiently, pondering all the delicious self-harm you are soon to endure.

 

Remove from the stove and use a jug to transfer batches into a blender. Blend on high until a creamy smooth consistency is achieved. Transfer each batch into large containers for storage until the full amount has been blended. Allow to cool to room temperature.

 

Excess sauce can be stored in the freezer for up to 100 years. The sauce is excellent on pretty much anything, from eggs ‘n bacey to pizza to stews, soups and nachos.

Prep all the ingredients before you begin cooking as this game is all about minimising the amount of times you have to put on or take off your protective gear. Speaking of which, a cloth mask and eye protection is a good idea, and I highly recommend gloves for safe handling of chillies and avoiding unfortunate occurrences when you touch yourself in the bathing-suit area later that day. If you’re feeling particularly brave, you can choose to leave some or all of the seeds in the chillies when you prep them. Cowards should remove them shamefully.

 

Splash enough oil to fry the onions into a deep pot and heat. Simmer the onions lightly until translucent and then add the garlic and cumin and sizzle for another minute while stirring. Toss in the chillies, carrots and capsicum, pour in enough of the remaining oil to coat generously and bump up the heat to medium for 5 minutes, stirring occasionally.

Ric Shields watching a pot of chilli boil

Add the remainder of the ingredients and pour yourself a whiskey as well because you’ve come this far and deserve a reward. Bring to the boil, then reduce to low heat and simmer uncovered for an additional 25 minutes. Sip your whiskey patiently, pondering all the delicious self-harm you are soon to endure.

 

Remove from the stove and use a jug to transfer batches into a blender. Blend on high until a creamy smooth consistency is achieved. Transfer each batch into large containers for storage until the full amount has been blended. Allow to cool to room temperature.

 

Excess sauce can be stored in the freezer for up to 100 years. The sauce is excellent on pretty much anything, from eggs ‘n bacey to pizza to stews, soups and nachos.

Suffer and salivate!